The holidays can be beautiful, meaningful, and full of wonder, but if you’re raising a child with trauma or special needs, this season can also bring a level of intensity that other families may never see or understand.
For years, I found myself bracing for Christmas Day. Not because I didn’t love it… but because I knew the combination of excitement, noise, activities, and expectations almost always ended in a full-blown meltdown.
The Early Years: When “Special” Meant Overwhelming
When my kids were young, every special event, birthdays, big family gatherings, Christmas mornings filled with surprises, had the same pattern. Even though I tried everything I knew to make the day magical, the overstimulation was simply too much.
For my children with sensory challenges, all the things that were supposed to be fun, bright lights, new textures, surprise gifts, excited voices, unpredictable schedules, felt like chaos to their nervous systems.
They weren’t trying to be difficult.
They weren’t ungrateful.
They were overwhelmed.
And for kids with early trauma, the holidays can stir up even more hidden layers: past memories, biological family triggers, transitions, and unexplainable sadness or hyperactivity. Sometimes we’re watching emotions spill over and we have no idea what memory or feeling awakened them.
The Turning Point: Learning to Shift MY Expectations
It took time (and a lot of tears, prayers, and trial-and-error), but eventually I learned something life-changing:
My kids didn’t need a “Pinterest-perfect” holiday.
They needed a peaceful one.
So, instead of trying to recreate what other families were doing, we began creating traditions that worked for our kids, our pace, and our sensory needs.
And slowly… the meltdowns faded.
Joy returned.
And Christmas morning became something we could all look forward to again.
Some of those simplified traditions are now our favorite traditions, ones we still keep today.
Why Kids With Trauma Struggle During the Holidays
Even if our kids look calm on the outside, their bodies may be working overtime on the inside.
Holiday stress often comes from:
Unpredictable schedules
Sensory overload (lights, music, smells, textures)
Higher social demands
Changes in routine
Triggers they can’t identify or explain
Feelings of loss, grief, or confusion related to early trauma
Lack of emotional regulation skills
Too many transitions in a short period of time
Overstimulation from too much "fun"
For adopted children, holidays can bring subconscious reminders of:
biological family
past Christmas experiences
early deprivation or chaos
traumatic memories connected to smells, songs, or traditions
Even if we don’t know the story, their bodies remember.
Making Space for What Really Matters
One unexpected gift came from slowing things down:
We finally had space to focus on the true meaning of Christmas.
When we simplified the activities, quieted the noise, and reduced the frenzy, our hearts were more attentive to the reason we celebrate in the first place:
Jesus. Emmanuel. God with us.
A calmer Christmas actually gave our family more opportunities to center our conversations, traditions, and rhythms around the birth of Christ.
As Scripture reminds us:
“For unto you is born this day in the city of David a Savior, who is Christ the Lord.” - Luke 2:11
When our homes become peaceful, our hearts become more available for worship, reflection, and gratitude.
Sometimes the stillness our children need is the same stillness that helps us see Jesus more clearly.
Practical Ways to Create a Calmer, Christ-Centered Holiday Season
Here are simple, mom-tested strategies that made a huge difference in our home:
1. Lower the bar—and call it love, not failure.
Your child doesn’t need a “big” Christmas to have a meaningful Christmas. Give yourself permission to simplify.
Sometimes the most peaceful memories are made in the quiet, not the chaos.
2. Limit sensory overwhelm.
Try:
If it feels like “too much” to you, it’s definitely too much for them.
3. Build in calm before and after events.
Kids with trauma need breathing room.
Consider:
This supports their physical, emotional, and spiritual wellness.
4. Prepare them ahead of time.
Talk through:
what the day will look like
who they will see
what activities will happen
when they can take breaks
what they can do if they feel overwhelmed
Predictability builds safety.
5. Say “no” to good things to protect the best things.
You don’t have to do every party, every activity, every tradition.
Choose peace. Choose presence. Choose connection.
6. Create family traditions that bring calm and point to Jesus.
Some ideas:
reading the Christmas story together
lighting an Advent candle
slow mornings in pajamas
looking at Christmas lights
baking simple cookies
a family worship playlist
gifting a single meaningful item rather than lots of small ones
These are the memories they will treasure.
7. Notice the deeper story beneath behavior.
Your child may be:
extra hyper
extra withdrawn
anxious
sad
clingy
angry
This isn’t defiance. This is dysregulation. This is trauma bubbling up around a season full of triggers.
Respond with compassion, not comparison.
8. Simplify expectations for yourself, too.
You don’t have to be the “perfect holiday mom.” You just need to be present, gentle, and willing to pivot when emotions rise.
Slow, simple, intentional moments build emotional and spiritual connection far more than any decorated house ever will.
Your simple, steady presence is the gift your child
needs most this Christmas.
If your holidays look quieter, slower, or simpler than other families, please hear this:
You’re not doing it wrong. You’re doing it wisely and intentionally.
Jesus Himself came quietly, humbly, gently, not with noise or chaos, but with peace.
And peace is the greatest gift you can give your child.
You’re creating a home where your child can breathe. You’re building traditions that nurture body, mind, and spirit. You’re choosing connection over chaos, relationship over routine.
And you’re modeling the heart of Christ to your family.
If your heart needs a safe place to rest, learn, and be encouraged by other moms walking a similar road, I’d love to welcome you into The Called Mama Circle. It’s a community for adoptive moms who want connection, practical tools, and Christ-centered support, especially during tender seasons like the holidays.